Thanks everyone who voted on my poll! It looks like everyone was more interested in hearing about my 4-Layers than my 3-Parts. So today I’ll be going over my 4-Layers. What they are, how I interact differently at each layer, and what I show at each layer. These 4-Layers that I’ve come up is literally just that. This is how my mind views myself and how I portray myself to others. This is not specific to all INFJs, although others may agree with me or have a similar structure too. So let’s begin!
Layer #1: My Public Layer
My Public Layer is the layer I show if there is anyone around that I don’t know or am not comfortable with. This is what I like to think of as my protective layer. In this first layer I’m very quiet. You’ll probably notice me hanging around the edges of the room. I won’t start conversations, typically I’ll do a move I like to call ‘pretend busy’. I’ll pretend like I’m doing something or focused on something when in reality I’m just trying to avoid giving other people the opportunity to come talk to me. Now I don’t do this to my friends/close friends at this layer. I’m doing this strictly to avoid those I don’t know or am not comfortable around. In this layer if you try to talk to me I give very basic information. I won’t get long-winded or make any effort to continue to the conversation. Also anyone I’m not comfortable with or don’t know I immediately being observing them. I start paying attention to every detail about them I can. I pay close attention to their name first of all. I remember faces easily and always try to put names to faces.
If I hear anything about that person or they say anything I’m making mental notes. I pay attention to their tone of voice, posture, body ques, the way they walk, ect. It may seem weird or creepy but I have a reason for doing it. I’m trying to decide if they are worth the investment. If I put the effort into the relationship is it going to be reciprocated. If it will be is it going to be a positive relationship? How much effort will I need to put in? Is this person clingy? Are they an extrovert that wants to go, go, go. Or are they an introvert that’s like ‘eh whatever. Let’s just chill here’. Does this person have good qualities and ethics that will grow me and support me? Or am I going to have to put extra effort to not let their negatives change me? Am I going to be able to benefit them enough without wearing myself out or opening myself to unnecessary emotional pain? Is this a kind of person I want to be associated with? What kind of reputation does this person have? Are they honest? I ask all these questions and many, many more when I’m in this layer. I’m trying to come to a conclusion: What kind of interaction do I want to have with this person?
To sum it up, in my first layer I’m very distant and only show everyone the surface of who I am. At most. I use this layer to protect me from harmful and/or toxic people that would do me more harm than it would help for either of us. I determine this by observing them from a distant, while trying not to look creepy.
Layer #2: My Comfy Layer
My second layer! Congratulations! If you’ve made it through this far through my layers I’ve determined you’re not a toxic or harmful person to me. I’ve determined what kind of a relationship I want to have with you, and now I’m acting accordingly. In this layer I’m ‘comfy’ around you. I will occasionally approach you and talk to you. I’m usually friendly and will hold a conversation with you. In this layer I’m still kind of quiet if left alone, but if you talk to me (or I approach you) I can seem like an extrovert…depending on the person. This is where things start to get complicated.
The reason I call My 4-Layers ‘layers’ and not masks is because I have WAY more than 4 masks… You see even though this is called my comfy layer it’s not because I’m comfy being true self around you…it’s because I’m comfy wearing my mask around you. I see from all the information I’ve gathered in my first layer about you I’ve constructed a mask. I’ve sort of designed, colored, crafted, and painted a mask for you. A version of myself that I feel like you’d like to see. In this layer I act all sorts of different ways. I may act goofy, serious, brooding, happy, funny, sad, ect. It all depends on the person. I consider everyone who has reached this layer as my friends, but not close friends. There’s a difference. A huge difference. I’m not showing you me. You don’t get to see who I truly am. I haven’t let my guard down to you yet. It doesn’t mean that I won’t. It just means that for now I’m still being cautions.
Even though I don’t show you who I truly am that doesn’t mean I want share somethings with you. In this layer information I share with you about myself is what I would call “uncritical” information. Basically, information that can’t be used against me, or information that isn’t personal. But since you are still considered my friend since you made it to this layer, I may share minor stuff with you. Usually the only time I’ll do this is if you are confiding in me. I’m the kind of person that will just sit and listen to what mess you’re going through, then try and help you in some way get over it.
When you reach this layer I decide if you’re the type of person who can make it to the next layer. The next layer is really tough to get to. To get to it I have to have been friends with you long enough to determine your ability to connect with me on a deeper level. And if you are able to, will the relationship be beneficial to both parties? Also is this the type of person who will stick with me for years or are they just going to up and leave on me? I also consider if they are trust worthy, honest, and sincere. If you are not any of those 3 then you’ll never be able to make it to my 3rd layer. These are all things that I take into consideration before anyone can make it to the next level.
In summary then, my second layer is extremely complex. Everyone who reaches my 2nd layer experiences it differently, because I’ve designed a mask for them specifically. I’m more comfortable around you, but not in revealing my true self. Instead I’m showing you a version of myself I think you’ll like. If you’ve made it to this layer I consider you as my friend and will be there to help you emotionally if needed, but won’t share with you my struggles. I haven’t let my guard down in this layer, but I have given everyone who has made it this far an opportunity to go farther.
Layer #3: My Home Layer
If you’ve made it this far it’s definitely a feat indeed. I call this my Home Layer because if you’ve reached this far I show you what I show to people closest to me. The only people to reach this level are people who are either family or close friends. If you have made it this far it means that not only do I consider you my friend, but you are also someone I trust and count on. But also someone you can count on. If you need help, or just need to talk I’ll always make sure I’m available to help. Because for me my close relationships mean the world to me. At this point you’ve proven your loyalty to me and have earned my trust. So trust you enough to show you some of myself and you have earned a loyalty that is almost unshakable. There’s a lot to cover in this layer so let’s get started!
One of the things to notice about this layer is the masks from the previous layer… In this layer I like to think of if as a fake reveal. I’m like ‘Ta da!’ as I take off the mask only to reveal…another mask. You see even though you’ve made it to the point where we have a close relationship doesn’t mean I show you my true self. I still hide…a lot. Even if you think you know a lot about me, I hide a lot more than you realize. Even to family. You see the mask that lies under the mask I made for you is similar to it. You see I’m still going to act very similar to the way I did before around you because that’s how I’ve come to portray myself to you. It’s still the way I believe you like me best. But since we have a close relationship now I show you more of who I truly am. It’s not immediate, but over time I gradually show you more and more of me. For family it’s a bit different. I still wear a mask for them, but in a different way. For friendships I slowly reveal myself over time. For family I slowly hide myself over time. I share more with family, and they know more about me than friends, but they still don’t know everything. The reason why I don’t share everything is complicated and is a story for another time.
In this 3rd layer though you’ll have wished I’d just be quiet. I will talk your ears off if asked to. In this layer I’m very comfortable around you, and will act accordingly…but to the mask I designed for you. I will share some pretty personal stuff with you if you ask, and sometimes if I really need it I’ll come to you. And I’m here for you even more than before. At this stage I become very concerned about you. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. (The 3-Parts again…) I want to do everything I can to help you in any way I can, and I hate myself any time I do anything to hurt anyone close to me. I become very open about anything and am willing to discuss almost anything with you. To reach this layer means you’ve become very close to my heart, and with as much caution I have set up to protect my heart from hurt, I put the same effort into to protecting you.
There is a couple things left to know though about this layer. First off, even though you made it to this layer doesn’t mean you’re 100% guaranteed a spot here. Now to leave you actually have to earn it, it’s near impossible to leave. I can happily say no one who has ever made it this far has ever had to drop down a layer, but my heart is still guarded to an extent. I’ll be honest the right now the amount of people in this layer is less than the number of fingers and toes I have on my hands and feet… It’s hard to make it this far, but once you do I try to do everything I can to make sure you don’t regret it. The next thing I wanted to mention was the fact that I still have a layer left… Even if you are family or are friends with me long enough to know almost everything there is to know about me…you’ll still be missing out on the biggest part of me. My last layer.
Layer #4: My Core Layer
This is the final layer of me. My last mask. The last reveal. The last piece of protection that lies between me and my heart. This layer I do not take lightly in the slightest. To reach this layer is a miracle. To reach this layer is an extremely slow and lengthy process. Removing this last mask takes a lot of time and patience as it is removed not all at once but in small pieces. This layer I don’t have a mask. This is the layer where you see me. All of me. The good the bad and the ugly. No one has ever gotten to this layer completely. Once someone reaches this layer completely they will see me like no one has ever seen me before. This layer they have my complete trust. They literally will be able to ask me anything I’m thinking and I’ll tell them. Not the doctored version I give everyone. Even those on the 3rd layer, but the truth. They won’t just hear what I tell them, but my thoughts and feelings that have been stored up that remains untouched. To reach this layer means that I will share anything they desire me to share with them. All they have to do is ask. To reach this level and deep connection with someone means that they also will have earned a loyalty that is unbreakable. Reaching this level means that I’ve given them a key to my heart that they can use whenever they want. There is so much more I could say about this layer. We could be here for hours, but some of it is too personal to share for now, and this post is already crazy long.
I hope ya’ll enjoyed reading about My 4-Layers! Comment below what you thought or if you had any questions!! Also comment what are some toher things you’d like to know about me?? Don’t forget to follow my social media! Till next time, Peace! And God Bless!!