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So today we are going to be doing something I enjoy doing: reading another INFJ’s blog post and comparing it to myself. The article I’m going to be going over is titled “Peculiar Traits of the INFJ Personality.” The post, supposedly, discusses eight weird traits INFJs have. I’m going to go over each of these individually and compare each one to myself. So let’s get started, shall we?

Trait #1: All-or-nothing syndrome

The idea behind this ‘peculiar’ trait is as INFJs we are either all in or not at all. We give everything our best shot, or we don’t put any effort into it at all. We don’t do things halfway. I’ll be honest this is true for the most part. There are times where I start something with all I’ve got, then halfway through I lose all my desire to finish it. Usually, this is because I realize I can’t do whatever I’m doing to my definition of perfection. Since I can’t reach the level of perfection that I desire for myself, I tend to give up on the task. Or if I have to finish it, I don’t try as hard because I know I won’t be able to get it perfect. However, for the most part, I would agree with the statement. I am, for the most part ‘all or nothing.’ I usually give everything I have, or I don’t give it my best at all. I love the examples given, as well. When I fall in love with someone, I give them all I have. When I exercise, I go all out. I’ll push my body to its max. I do disagree with the eating though…I tend to eat whatever I want. My work ethic is the same way. I will work, work, and work until my body drops. Then I’ll get up and keep going at it again with all I got. Other times I know I have a long list of things I want to do, but I don’t have the desire to do them, so I do something relaxing instead. There is one thing that they didn’t say in the article that I feel like applies to me specifically. If I have a hobby, I will usually grind it out. I will be solely focused on that one thing. For example, I went through a phase where I played video games. I was seriously into Halo 5. Man, I was killing it. I was spending like over 60+ hours a week on video games. I was all out. For me, when I played a video game, I focused on that one game. I didn’t change games until I’d got to a point where I felt like I’d got to a competitive level, or I saw I couldn’t reach the level of perfection I desired. In that case, I stopped playing the video game, which is a perfect example of either all-in-or-nothing syndrome. Either I played the game none stop, or I didn’t play it at all.

Trait #2: The inability to settle

I’ll be honest when I think of the inability to settle I tend to think of it in the romantic sense. We’d be here all day if I tried to talk on that subject though. But here they seem to be trying to look at it in the aspect of life in its entirety. I’ll be honest this one is pretty easy for me to agree with. From what I gathered the article is trying to say INFJs tend to be searching for things that make them feel like they are contributing to whatever it is they are attempting. Nine times out of ten, I am trying to do things that make me feel like I’m doing something. I hate doing things that I feel like I haven’t made any difference. For example, I love the job I have now because I feel like I’m making a difference. I can see some of the ideas and efforts that I’ve made, and the outcome of them. It’s a fantastic feeling. Helping people is another one. Being able to go and help someone out gives me a happy feeling because I know I made a difference to them. So I would agree that I’m always looking for things that make me feel like I’m making a difference. I don’t like to settle for something that makes me feel like what I do doesn’t make any impact.

I also loved how they used the inability to settle in the spiritual sense. I don’t compromise, period, on my spiritual beliefs. God is number one in my life period. I won’t compromise that for anyone or anything. I won’t settle for anything if it attempts to compromise that aspect.

Trait #3: Perfectionism

I’ll be honest I don’t even have to read what they say. I already agree with it. I’m a perfectionist through and through. I practically said the same thing earlier in this post. I tend to set high standards and expectations for myself or for what I’m doing. When I realize I can’t reach these standards, I tend to give up. I lose all the passion and determination I had to see the job through, and I move on. This perfectionism doesn’t just exist in tasks or relationships I have. They also exist in my view of myself, which honestly is probably why I hard on myself. I set high standards for myself, and most of the time, I don’t reach them. Then when I don’t make them, I usually end up beating myself up about it. I have a couple of examples of this. One time I went out to eat with a group of my friends. We all sat down and were talking. Well, I’d zoned out because someone was telling a story I wasn’t able to follow, and my train of thought went somewhere else. Well, I thought of a funny story I wanted to share, but I forgot someone was already in the middle of a story. I started telling my story while the other person was still telling her story! I didn’t even realize what I’d done till a minute later. I was so embarrassed! I try my hardest to be polite and not be rude. So the fact that I interrupted someone made me feel horrible, and also really mad at myself. I ended up beating myself about it for weeks afterward. Another example is whenever someone points out something I messed up or didn’t do something right. I start beating myself up about it. Usually, it will last the whole day if not longer. I think ‘why couldn’t I have done that better. Why couldn’t I have done it the right way? Can I do anything right? Why am I failure?.’ Those are just some of the things I think whenever I don’t meet my expectations for myself. Idk if this is true for all INFJs, but we are our own worst critics.

Trait #4: Solitude vs. friendship

I’ll be honest; I love this one so much. I have more than one close friend, but I can count them all on one hand. I agree with the author as well. I do crave close, deep, intimate relationships with people. I’m not talking about in the romantic sense here (although I want that even more). I mean in the aspect of friendships. I want friendships that last forever and are people I can always count on and where they can count on me. I want friendships where we help each other grow, inspire, and encourage each other when we need it. To achieve these kinds of friendships, I have to revert to trait #1. I give all my close friendships all I have. If you have reached that level of friendship with me, congratulations, you are one in five right now, and you’d have to be trying hard to lose my friendship. This trait isn’t just about friendships. I also agree with the author. Maintaining those five friendships is very steineous. It takes a lot of energy and time. In the end, I get socially exhausted and have to retreat into solitude to recharge. If I don’t get to retreat to my solitude, I will start to act…funny. But that’s another story. Since I give those five friendships all I have, I don’t have much energy for anyone else. So anyone else outside of those five, tend to get the short end of the stick. It’s also part of the reason why I don’t have as many close friends. I can only give so much of myself before I become drained. The more friends I have, the more it takes from me. Also, the more time I spend with them, the more energy it takes from me. The more friends I have also affects it because I want to give my close friends my very best. It’s why I try to respond so quickly to my text messages. I want to show that I care about them and their time. But with me having more friends means I have to sacrifice time from them to accommodate for this other person I let into my small group of close friends. This, in turn, makes me feel bad because then my friends wonder why I’m not giving them the time I usually do. Then I start getting drained quicker because I try to accommodate everyone and end up exhausted. So I try to retreat to recharge, but I don’t have enough time to because I’m trying to maintain all these valuable friendships to me. Eventually, it gets to the point where I have to start sacrificing something to accommodate. I know I got a bit off-topic slightly, but that’s where my train of thought started heading.

Well, we made it halfway through the article. I hope ya’ll enjoyed it! I’m going to go ahead and do the next half later on this week. So stay tuned for that! Also, comment below if you had any you can relate to anything I discussed. Thanks for reading! Till next time! Peace, and God Bless

~~~INFJ Mickey

This entry was posted in INFJ.

11 comments on “INFJ Evaluation #1a

  1. okayimateen says:

    uno ur bit about friendships..do u ever feel like even if you have a close friendship with someone its still hard to get across the fact that sometimes you just wanna be alone. Like u don’t want to hurt them but you just need them to give you space.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. INFJ Mickey says:

      Yes I do! It can be really hard sometimes, because on one hand I want to spend time with them, but I still need my space too. So it can be hard to find the right balance where you get the alone time you need, but still able to have that close relationship. I do agree it can be really hard to communicate to others this feeling, and if not said the right way can hurt the other persons feelings. I know every friendship is different so the way you communicate this may be different each time. For me personally I feel like honesty is the best policy. If I need space I’ll let the other person know. I try to be as polite and considerate as possible, but I’m also gonna let the other person know if I need space. Because if I don’t say something I’m just going to get worse and end up blowing up on someone, which would be worse than saying I need some space for right now. Which I’m not perfect, I mess up. I’ve blown up on people before, and it’s usually because I didn’t set boundaries. I didn’t speak up and say when I needed to be alone. As a result, I’d get to the point where I’d blow up on someone. So I learned that I have to take care of myself first. Otherwise, I won’t be able to help anyone else, or be there for anyone if they need me. My thought process is that if they are really my friends then they’ll understand my need and give me the space I need. In the end though you have to use your best judgement to handle each situation. Sorry that was so long. As you can tell by my blog I can be very long winded, lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. okayimateen says:

        thanks for that. honestly you should start some sort of advice blog or something. I guess if they were my true friends they would give me some space but the only problem is I feel like people who aren’t friends with me will just start to create rumours that we’ve had a fight or something because we are together like every other day. we literally do everything together and that’s why I need my space. im gonna take on board what you’ve said and open up to one of them whose my closes friend out of all of them and I guess I can just hint it a little. I know I sound like a wuss but im actually scared that they might see me differently if I just show them a different side of myself.
        thanks again btw your long windedness is a good thing

        Liked by 1 person

      2. INFJ Mickey says:

        Thanks for the suggestion! Tbh, one of the reasons I started this blog was that other people would be able to relate to me and find something helpful. Or at the very least be able to help encourage each other. So I’m thrilled that what I said got you thinking and hopefully was some help to you. Also, you mentioned being scared about what your friends will think if you ask for space, and what everyone on the outside will think/say because you aren’t hanging out with them as much. That is an understandable fear. I’ll be honest, I’m pretty concerned about what people think about me as well, but I’ve realized there is a point where you have to learn to take care of yourself first. Sometimes I let my desire not to hurt anyone prevent me from doing what I need to do to take care of myself. Whether that means telling someone: “Hey, I need some alone time for right now, I’ll see you later” or just walking away to get some alone time. So don’t let your fear of what other people think stop you from taking care of yourself. If they are your close friends, they should stick with you and be there to encourage you. As for what everyone else will say looking in, I personally could care less. At the end of the day, you know where you stand with your friends. For me, if I’m close friends with someone, I’m not going to let anyone’s other opinion of them affect that relationship. Idk if this will work for your situation or not, but maybe try making new friends. Perhaps then they won’t be talking about why you aren’t hanging out with them, but instead, they’ll be asking why are you hanging out with them. As I said, I don’t know the whole situation so I can’t tell you what the best course of action is to take. But I hope that what I have been able to share is of some help. I’ll be honest you’ve got me thinking a lot about friendships now too, so I may do a blog on how I view friendships here soon. I wish you the best in your endeavors! I know you’ll get through it.

        ~~~ INFJ Mickey

        P.S. – I loved the music you suggested! Some of the songs I totally relate to.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. okayimateen says:

        thanks so much! You’ve helped a tonne
        haha glad you liked the music

        Liked by 1 person

      4. INFJ Mickey says:

        You’re welcome! I’m so glad to hear it!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Elber Oum says:

    Not gonna repeat it but i relate to every bit in here, though with the recharge thing, i never could voice it to them because i felt that would hurt them and although it’s something i want the most i would still feel bad if i told them so i still gave my all until each goes their way then i shut down completely and recharge 🙈 and with the perfectionsm and settling thing, we are on constant quest for improvement that leads to positive impact on whatever we want to do, a job a hobby …. anything we strive on that on the other hand if we feel we aren’t contributing much it’s really double the dissapointment … seriously we need to keep reminding ourselves that at least we have this thing, it’s a good quality that should make us feel happy and not the contrast! We are people who try hard who give their best and that’s in itself is important … (now if you don’t upload once a day me gon’ be sad 🙈 i’m getting used to your posts as a daily feature of my life which is dangerous lol 😂 no pressure though 🙈)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. INFJ Mickey says:

      I feel the same way!! When I do need to recharge I rarely say anything. I have a few times and then I’m usually given a hard time for it and I feel bad, so I don’t like to ask.

      That is so true! If I don’t feel like I’m doing much I feel the double disappointment, and it sucks!!! Which ends in me doing one of too things: giving up or trying even harder. It can be really hard to be happy with what we have or where we are at because in our minds we’re not doing enough. It’s just a constant struggle to keep trying to push past that, and fight for our happiness.

      I’m sorry! I’m trying so hard to post daily! But I honestly have more on my plate than I should right now, so I’m usually choosing between sleep and my blog most nights. I’m working on today’s post right now. Which today is my one month anniversary of my blog so I’m making it a special one!!! So stay tuned! So glad to hear that you are enjoying reading it everyday!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Elber Oum says:

        I’m not pressuring you i just said what i felt as a fan of the blog and how much closeness i came to feel, (don’t hate me 🙈), i feel introverts really through alot misunderstansings, stereotypes… and most of all the ongoing struggle with ourselves to just fit in within our expectations and the society, how can we not be sensitive though when we have a whole long list of triggers lol and 🎉Congratulations🎉 on one month!! Really wish you the best on this blog and i’m really really happy i have you here 💖

        Liked by 1 person

      2. INFJ Mickey says:

        I understand how you meant it. I’m just glad you’re enjoying it so much!!

        That is true we really do have a lot of triggers 😂😂

        Thanks so much!! I’m happy to be here!

        Liked by 1 person

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