Quick note: If you didn’t get to read the first Evaluation I did go ahead and check it out real quick! You can find a link for it right here.
And we are back! Sorry, I couldn’t finish the post last time, but it honestly lasted a lot longer than I was expecting. Once I get my brain started, I can’t seem to stop. It’s like a train trying to get to point A to point B as fast as it can, yet still, give all the tourists (my thoughts) a chance to look at all the different views. It can turn into a long trip even though I try my hardest to shorten it. Sometimes I need to get it out. You know when you have a lot you want to say, but you don’t know what to talk about, so you talk about random stuff? Maybe you don’t, but I do it. Well before we get off on another rabbit trail let’s get back to where we left off, shall we?
Trait #5: Full of contradiction
This part I’ll be honest is hard for me to see, because it’s not something I notice quickly. I don’t feel like I’m full of contradiction, but at the same time, I feel like I probably do contradict myself without realizing it. Sometimes I do it intentionally, and other times I don’t do it on purpose. The example the author gave about being the life of the party to those who are close to you but not to those who don’t know you is so true. If I’m around people, I don’t know I’m like a shell almost. I won’t be very open and tend to be more guarded with the way I act, talk, and communicate. You can tell by my body language I’m cautious of literally everything. Whereas when I’m around people I’m close to my body language is easier to read, I’m more open, I may talk endlessly, I make jokes, I laugh, and I show emotion. I’m a people pleaser at heart so I tend to try to do things that will get a positive reaction from people. Usually, I do this by joking around. If I realize that the other person is not really into joking, but is more sensitive, I will tackle the scenario differently. I will be more conversation focused and trying to listen to what they have to say. I slow things down to show them that I’m given them my time because I care. Other people don’t operate that way. They are more go, go, go. Let’s have fun, let’s do this, let’s do that, etc. They are more focused on doing something that makes them feel something whereas other people (like me) are more focused on slowing down and would rather think. Let those thoughts provoke emotion rather than actual activities. Now, this could be where my contradictory nature comes in. I sometimes desperately need those activities that make me feel, or I’ll have another reason for wanting to do them. I also may want to do the activity to connect with other people. A lot of the time I will do something I don’t like if I know it will make someone else feel better or happy. It will give them some kind of good feeling in one way or another. I tend to put others emotions before my own, which can be dangerous for me. Other times though its the only way to escape my feelings.
(So I took a break to get dinner and now I lost my train of thought)
I was thinking about it, and I realized I do tend to contradict myself. My brain and heart are like two different machines. Both are battling for control of the same body. I’ll be giving someone adivce, then, later on, I realize I’m not taking my advice. My advice sounds logical, and I agree with it. But it’s like I don’t feel that way at all. Or like I’ll understand one thing but feel the complete opposite. For example, I have always had very low self-esteem about myself, but I’m contradictory about it. I know that I’m important and that God created me the way I am for a reason. I know that He has a plan for me and that I have tons of friends and family who love me dearly. I know my boss and teacher think highly of me. I know I’m doing ‘good’ in life right now, but I don’t feel that way. I feel the complete opposite. Which this gets really stupid and idk how to explain it, but I can see myself from multiple different ways. I can see how people see me, I can see how I see me, I can see how I feel about me, and I can see how God wants me to be. Like it doesn’t make any sense. It’s like I can see myself from a logical perspective, and then from an emotional standpoint. It’s so annoying and frustrating to see yourself doing good and hearing everyone echoing it, but feeling the complete opposite and hating yourself because of it. I’m starting to get off track, so I’ll have to finish that rant another time. So I guess after thinking about it more, I actually can see how I contradict myself. Maybe I am more so in my mind rather than what I show everyone. Anyway moving on…
Trait #6: Writers not talkers
Ok. Does this one even need an explanation? I believe if you haven’t figured it out by now, I can type up a storm. Like my blog is already longer than the original post. I had to make two blogs to their one, lol. I agree with them on this one. Believe it or not, in person, I am not the best talker. I struggle talking to people on the spot. It’s hard for me, and I hate it. It’s one of the things I’ve always been like, “Why can’t I just walk up and talk to people easily like everyone else?” If you are not an introvert, you don’t know the struggle. It’s insanely hard. If I walk up to talk to you, congratulations, you’ve become a huge priority to me. Because unless you are close to me, I’m not going to walk up to you easily. If you see me making an effort trying to talk to you, it’s taking a lot more energy than you realize. If I’m close to you though it gets easier over time in most cases, it depends on the scenario. Oh, and talking on the phone is the worst thing about the phone. I hate talking on the phone. Having to call someone gives me like severe anxiety. I know it sounds stupid; literally, all my friends ask me it all the time. “Why do you hate talking on the phone so much?” It’s because it’s not easy for me to start a conversation, ok!! A tendency I have is to plan out what I’m going to say in advance, and if I have to call someone in advance before I get to talk to them, then I get that high anxiety. It’s because I didn’t get the chance to plan. I didn’t get to think about what I was going to say or prepare myself for how the conversation was going to go. Which probably is why I struggle so much with talking to people. I don’t have enough time to think about how I want to respond. I love how the author said we probably have several conversations going on, arguments even. It’s so true!! When someone tells us something, it’s like I instantly see what they said from 4-5 different views. All the different possibilities they could’ve meant what they said and/or the different ways I could respond to the question and how it will play out. It’s complicated, but talking on the phone and calling people is hard for me to do. So if I make an effort to speak to you, it’s because you are important to me. If you weren’t important to me, I wouldn’t make an effort.
Trait #7: Seeing both the big picture and the details
Seeing both the big picture and the details. I would agree that when we are mentally balanced INFJs can use this to their advantage, but if we get unbalanced, we usually are leaning to one extreme or the other. In some scenarios, I can only see the big pictures, others I can only see the details. Usually, when I’m mad, I can’t see the big picture. All I see is the small details, and they all can set me off if they aren’t right. Or if I’m upset or emotionally unstable, I can have both but be opposite views. Like I can see the big picture from a logical perspective, but then all the small details upset me. Or vice versa. It’s frustrating at times when you can understand the big picture logically, but this one little detail in front of you feels like a mountain. But it like I said, if I’m balanced mentally, this trait can help me like playing Skip-Bo. (If you haven’t played this card game you should try it! It’s so much fun!!) In Skip-Bo, you are trying to get rid of your pile of cards, and you have five cards in your hand. Your pile has a face-up card then the rest are face down. So as soon as you play the top card of your pile you flip the next one face up. The goal is to get rid of the whole pile. The cards in your hand are supposed to help you play the cards from your pile. Sometimes though you have to sacrifice playing cards from your pile so you can play all the cards in your hand. This way you can draw a new hand, and hopefully play even more cards then you can before. Because if I’d just played my top card and not be able to play any more cards in my hand, then I’m stuck. But later if I can play my cards in my hand, get new cards, play my top card, use my cards in my hand to play my next top card. Then I will have made a better decision. So that’s one way I can use the big picture and small details to my advantage. I use that often in sports, conversations, events, planning, etc. How my single decision will affect the big picture. It’s incredible when I’m balanced. If I’m out of balance, then it’s like I’m drawing a picture of a big nightmare. Trust me; it is not a pretty picture.
Trait #8: Compassionate visionaries and doers
Thank goodness for something positive, lol. I would say I’m a compassionate visionary. When I’m passionate about , and I feel like it will help someone, then I go all in on it. Even though I may think it won’t work out perfectly, in the end, I give it my best shot for the very reason they gave. Even if it only helps one person I’ll be happy, which is exactly what I want for this blog. I want my blog to help someone and be of encouragement to them. If I manage to help one person, than this whole blog will have been worth it. I have tons of ideas all the time, but the ones I end up starting are the ones that I feel like will help someone else.
Well, we’ve finally reached the end of the blog. I did not expect it to take me over 4 hours to go over the whole thing. But then again I forgot how easy it is for me to talk about this kind of stuff. I hope ya’ll enjoyed it! Comment below what you thought about it, and if you can relate to any of it! I try my best to reply to all the comments! Thanks so much, ya’ll for reading! Till next time. Peace, and God Bless!!
~~~ INFJ Mickey