So as promised, I’m going to be talking about two of my favorite topics to talk about. Love and INFJs. I have read several articles and even a book about INFJs and love. INFJs tend to have very passionate views about love, or at least that’s the way I like to think about it. Which thinking back to one of my earlier posts I’d made I mentioned INFJs are all-or-nothing type people. Well, I believe this is especially true for love. And so in this post, I’d like to share my all-or-nothing approach, both the way the 16 Personalities website describes INFJs and also my thoughts and feelings on the subject.
I just mentioned that I read a book about INFJs, and I have. You can find it on the 16 Personalities website if you’re interested in reading it. You do have to buy it, but if you don’t like it, you can return it for a full refund. I, however, loved it, so I kept it. But what I wanted to do is share some bits and pieces of the book where it talked about INFJs “Romantic Relationships” as they call it. It talks about how INFJs view and feel Romantic Relationships. And I’ll be honest I agree with pretty much all of it. So let’s take a look at the first thing.
Not ones for casual encounters, INFJs treat the process of finding romantic partners seriously. It’s one of the most significant investments they make toward happiness, so they proceed with care and earnestness in their search for depth, meaning, and fulfillment. This meticulous approach has its rewards — once they’ve found their special someone, they reach a level of interconnected harmony that most people only dream of.16personalities.com
I totally agree with this. I personally can’t do casual encounters, relationships, etc. I take the whole process of dating, finding someone to date, and marriage all extremely seriously. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too serious because I won’t even consider going on a date, to prom, etc. unless I can see something more down the road. I have to know that it’s more than a possibility and that I’m just not wasting effort. Because I don’t want to waste my time, anyone else’s time, my feelings, her feelings, or heartbreak. So for me to go on a one time date with someone is never going to happen. Or me going to a prom, a dance or whatever with someone just as friends is not going to happen. Why? Because I only want to pursue those things if I’m going to have a relationship with that individual. And I only want to have a relationship with that individual if I know it’s going to go somewhere because I’m not here to sit and have fun. I have a dream, and I want to reach it, and I don’t want to waste my time or energy on something that isn’t going to work out in the end. I love how the book says “It’s one of the most significant investments they make…” like that is so true. Yeah I may love my job, yeah I may be going to college to make a career, yeah I may be heavily involved at church, but I’m doing all these things for a reason. I’m doing it for my future wife one day. (Except my being heavily involved at church isn’t the main reason I am heavily involved it is a reason) I’m working hard at my job trying to start a career so I can support a family one day — not just support but enough so that they can live comfortably and happily. I’m going to college to make a career so that I will be able to assure my family that I’m not going to have difficulty having a job, because I”m making myself valuable to the workforce. I’m making it so that my family will have peace and confidence that I will be able to provide for them and also by going to college I’m learning. And hopefully, I can also use the knowledge I gain at school and college to pass on to my kids if they want it. I’m heavily involved in my church because I want my family to have a deeper relationship with God, and they can’t do that if I (the spiritual covering of the family) do not have a strong relationship with God. So I’m trying to make sure that I’m surrounding myself with godly men and women to help grow me, not only as a person but also my relationship with God. That way, when I am ready to have my own family one day, I can care for their spiritual needs by making sure that they have a great relationship with God, and also gaining wisdom to pass on to my family. I said all this to say I’m doing all these things, but an underlying mission remains…an unspoken goal. All these things are working towards my dream. To get married and have a family one day. My job, my college degrees, my faith in God, who I date, etc. All these things I’m doing in preparation for that dream. So as an INFJ, I don’t want to date or do anything along those lines unless I can see the relationship working towards my goal, which leads to my next point perfectly.
Making the cut is challenging for potential partners, especially if they’re impatient, as INFJs tend to be perfectionistic and picky.16personalities.com
Part of me is glad I am this way, but at the same time, I also hate it. I hate it because it’d make my life way easier if I weren’t so picky because then maybe I’d date people. But I am picky, and I’m honestly glad I am. Because I need to be, it may suck that extremely few people I’m interested in dating, but at the same time, it helps me find someone who will work best with me. Not only that I realize I’m not just looking for someone to marry, but I’m also looking for someone to be the mother of my kids one day. And there are certain traits and qualities I want my future wife to have for my children. Because I don’t want just any woman for my kids, I want only the best. So not only am I looking for myself who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I”m also looking for who do I want to raise my kids? So in actuality, I view dating and looking for someone to date and eventually marry in the light that I also need to keep my future kids in mind too because I’m doing all this for them too. So even though it may suck having to wait right now because I am picky, it honestly is a good thing because I need to take my time and find the perfect mom for my future kids.
INFJs aren’t afraid to unconditionally show their emotions, so relationships with them aren’t for the uncommitted or shallow. INFJs look for connections that go beyond physical intimacy, embracing the emotional and even spiritual bonds they have with their partners. They are passionate… They cherish not just the state of being in a relationship, but becoming one with another person in mind and spirit.16personalities.com
I agree with this to the point that I want to get up and scream at the screen to show ya’ll how much I love this! Like that statement describes me so perfectly!!! I would say relationships with INFJs (specifically me) are not for the uncommitted or someone who doesn’t want a deep, serious relationship. Becuase when I love someone I’m all out. As they said, I’m not afraid to unconditionally show my emotions. I hide them from everyone else, but if I love someone, I’d want to show it to them. I want them to know how I feel about everything, especially how I feel about them. I deeply desire a relationship that is way beyond the physical sense. I want to be able to connect with someone emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I want to be able to pour my heart out to them and them to take it all in and reciprocate. And if you can’t tell by my long posts that I’m passionate about all this than idk what to tell you because I’m incredibly passionate about relationships. I don’t even have the words to express how emotional I can get over this stuff. Like it’s such an overwhelming feeling sometimes. But the reason I agree that relationships with INFJs are not for the uncommitted is that once we like or love someone, we become insanely committed. Or at least I do. If you’ve made it to the point where I want to date you, that means that I can see you as a possibility of making my dreams come true, and I’m going to give all I have to try and make it happen. I’m going to show you a side of myself no one else gets to see, pour my heart out to you, and so much more. I’m insanely committed and will try to make a deep connection with you on a level that most people (I don’t think) try to achieve. And all I want is for it to be reciprocated. So I’d say that being in a relationship with me is not for the uncommitted because I’m going to be insanely committed. To the point where it will shock some people. So if you’re not committed, unsure, etc. it’s going to be hard if you want to have a relationship with me because I’m going to be committed and pushing for a deep connection. A connection that can only be made if it is reciprocated. So while it’s not impossible for someone who is uncommitted to have a relationship with an INFJ, it is tough because we are very committed and want it reciprocated.
I’ll be honest I’ve barely even scratched the surface of all that I can talk about on this subject. I have so much more I want to say and can talk about it’s insane. I know it’s hard for ya’ll to believe, but I have to cut myself short sometimes because I know I’m dragging it out. I hope you all enjoyed reading how INFJs view romantic relationships. Or at least a portion of what we see. If you want to hear more about it, leave a comment below! Or if you want me to talk about something specific or expand on something I said let me know! I’d love to hear what ya’ll want to listen to me talk about. Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate every single one of you. Till next time ya’ll! Peace, and God Bless!!!
~~~ INFJ Mickey