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So this is not one of the songs I listen to the most out of my playlist, but I still listen to it. I wanted to do this one because I wanted to show ya’ll that every song means a lot to me. Even the ones I don’t listen to as much as the others. They all have a special meaning to me. So I hope you all enjoy this song as much as I do! Comment below your thoughts on the song!

you were good to me

Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler, 2019

LYRICS

Lying isn’t better than silence
Floating, but I feel like I’m dying

Still no matter where I go
At the end of every road
You were good to me
You were good to me,
yeah I know it’s easier to run
After everything I’ve done
You were good to me
You were good to me

You were good to me
You were good to me

Leaving isn’t better than trying
Growing, but I’m just growing tired

Now I’m worried for my soul
And I’m still scared of growing old
You were good to me
You were good to me,
yeah And I’m so used to letting go
But I don’t wanna be alone
You were good to me
You were good to me, yeah, oh

God only knows where our fears go
Hearts I’ve broke,
now my tears flow
You see that I’m sorry
‘Cause you were good to me
You were good to me

And now I’m closing every door
‘Cause I’m sick of wanting more
You were good to me
You were good to me,
yeah Swear I’m different than before
I won’t hurt you anymore
‘Cause you were good to me

MY FEELINGS

The lyrics of this song hit home with me. They hit me hard.

Floatin', but I feel like I'm dying'

I feel like I’m floating. I know I’m not sinking in this pit of emotions, I’m floating. But sometimes it feels like I’m dying. This I’m floating on this heartbreak, and I’m having my good days, but there are those times where I’m just floating, and I feel like the pain is so great that I’m dying.

Still, no matter where I go
At the end of every road.

No matter where I go, what I feel, or what I think the end of every road is the same. The pain is so great, but that doesn’t change anything. I can go back over and over the same path, but I can’t change where I’ve ended up. The pain is still there.

I know it's easier to run.

All my friends who know me know I can run fast. But in this instance, it’s talking about running away from everything. I’ve been so close to doing that. Just dropping everything and running away from the pain and running as far and as fast as I can till I drop. Hide from this throbbing pain in my heart. I know it’s easier, and I could do it.

Leavin' isn't better than tryin'
Growin', but I'm just growin' tired.

But I can’t just go. I have to stay. I have to slap on a smile and push forward whether it’s fake or not. I have to keep trying. I can’t just leave. I have to try for all of those around me. I can’t give up. It wouldn’t make things better. As much as I may want to try and end all this pain by leaving, I know it won’t help. It would never help. I’d be even more heart broke and lonely. So I can’t stop. I must stay. I must try.

I am growing. I’m growing every day learning more and more. I’m getting better every day. The pain is still there, but it’s slowly getting better. I’m getting tired, and I’m so hurt and confused, I want a breather. I may be growing and getting better every day, but I’m also getting more and more tired every day. I’m getting better, but I’m getting more and more tired. I’m so exhausted from all this. I want to lie down, give up, rest, and have peace. I want just to shut my eyes and let peace back into my weary soul. The constant fighting and battle to regain my happiness is so exhausting.

Now I'm worried for my soul
And I'm still scared of growin' old.

I am worried that I won’t be able to keep going. I’m afraid I won’t have what it takes to keep fighting. I’m worried that if I stay at this pace, I’m not going to make it to the end in one piece. I’m afraid I’m going to break. I’m scared of growing old. The once bright future now is made dark. Once a dream was there, happiness to look forward one day. Now I’m met with uncertainty and fear. A bright, happy vision of the future, replaced with the cold dark nightmare of possibilities. All the fears of growing old and not getting to be everything I wanted are flooding in. Not getting to be the father, husband, or man of God I want to be. Not getting to be the friend I want to be, not getting to live my dream. Fear of being alone forever. Fear of never being good enough. Fear of screwing up every chance I get. Fear of growing old and having all these fears become a reality.

God only knows where our fears go
Hearts I've broke, now my tears flow
You'll see that I'm sorry.

I know God knows my fears. I know He knows my heart and my heart’s desire. I know He knows my pain and what I’m feeling. I know He sees the bigger picture. I know He has a plan. But my tears still flow. In secret and in my quiet place, they flow freely. Tear stained pillows and shirts. Tear flooded seats. Tears are rolling down my face like a waterfall. Tears that have been stored up for years. Held back and suppressed no longer able to be held in. Finally, let out in a rush. I have poured them out in pain and sorrow.

Maybe one day she’ll see how sorry I am. Sorry I couldn’t be better. Sorry I couldn’t try harder. Sorry I couldn’t be wiser. Sorry I couldn’t be braver. Sorry I couldn’t be kinder. Sorry I couldn’t be patient. Sorry I couldn’t stop the pain. Sorry I couldn’t do more. Sorry I couldn’t say more. Sorry I didn’t get to show her how much she really meant to me. Sorry for all the opportunities I missed. Sorry for all the tears that were shed. Sorry for everything and anything. Sorry I wasn’t good enough. Sorry that our hearts ended up broken. Someday she’ll see that I’m sorry. Sorry from the depth of my heart, mind, and soul. From the earth and back. How sorry I truly am. And how I wish I could so much make the pain stop at the very least for her.

You were good to me.

The one line repeated over and over. The line that wrecks my heart. She was good to me. She made me laugh harder than I have ever before. She made every long day seem short. She made every pain feel light as a feather. She made every stress vanish in an instant. She made me smile bigger than I have ever smiled before. She made me feel special. She made me feel important, handsome, bold, brave, and funny. She made me feel like I was awesome. She gave me a reason to wake up happy every day. She made me go to bed happy every night. Just knowing she was there and that she liked me made me happier than I’d ever been in my life. She balanced out my mind for the first time. For the first time, I could think clearly. For the first time, everything made sense. For the first time, there was no pain. She motivated me. She made me want to be better and try harder. She gave me hope and a dream. She makes my heart race whenever I see her. She showed me what it meant to be cared about in a way I’d never known. She was more than good to me. But there are not enough words in the world to express how good she was to me.

I love this song because it reminds me of how amazing she was and is. How much joy she brought into my life. How she showed me that it is possible to be that happy. It reminds me of all the happy times we had. It reminds me I can’t give up. I have to keep trying. Definitely not today, tomorrow, or probably several years, but maybe one day I can be that happy again. And for that slim possibility, I have to keep trying and searching for hope.

~~~ INFJ Mickey

2 comments on “Diving Into The Song #2

  1. okayimateen says:

    Whoa! I love this song…like loooveeee it!! The acoustic versions out now btw its awesome. Your interpretation of the song is really nice. For me I saw this song as the things I would like to say to my parents when I feel low and lonely, I don’t know why but that’s just how this songs makes me feel. “swear im different than before, I wont hurt you anymore” – that’s my favourite part of the song because evry time I mess up I want my parents to understand that I will change. But yeah I hope your heart break gets better, you should listen to please by Chelsea cutler and Jeremy zucker, its part of the same album “brent” that you were good to me is in. 🙂

    -star

    Liked by 2 people

    1. INFJ Mickey says:

      That’s so awesome you love it too!! That’s so cool that the song means differently to you. Thanks for sharing what it means to you!! Oh I love the song ‘please.’ It’s in my Upbeat Playlist too 😂 Thanks for the encouragement! It is slowly getting better. Thanks so much for commenting!!!

      ~~~ INFJ Mickey

      Liked by 2 people

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