So today is the day I usually do a life update. I’ll be honest I’m just ready for life to calm down a bit, lol. It’s nice to be home and not rushing around finally. It’s been a crazy past couple of months. I’ve been everywhere from Nashville to Louisville. It’s a relief to be home finally. So now I’m trying to get back into a routine. My friends got back from their honeymoon, so that means I can go back to help them with their house. My math class is wrapping up, which means I’ll have to start the next semester soon, which will increase my school workload by four times. My workload will decrease slightly because I will have a class at the same time I’m scheduled to work. That means I’ll get paid less, but I just got a pay raise, so that will help. I recently got to catch up with a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile. I helped him with some electrical issues, which was a lot of fun. We got to talk, and he encouraged me with some stuff I was dealing with and was a massive help to me. He mentioned having me come over and help him with some more things, which I’m looking forward to. He even mentioned introducing me to one of his elderly neighbors. He said she’s like 78 and has some electrical issue, which that got me excited to be able to help. He mentioned her paying me to fix it, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like that would be a better way to be a blessing instead of making money. So we’ll see how that plays out, but that would be awesome if I got to help her out.
I’ve also recently been hooked on this guy’s music: NF. He’s a beast! It’s been so awesome to listen to his music. His music is intense, and they all have powerful messages. One of my favorite songs of his is Therapy Session because it talks about what music is to him. He’s using music like I’m using my blog. His music is Therapy for him. Whenever he gets mad, angry, frustrated, hurt, passionate, etc. he raps. It helps him, and he’s able to vent through his music. I love it when he says that he realizes that music helps him, but it doesn’t fix his problems. Because that’s the way, I feel about my blog. I recently have been going through a variety of things, and it’s been hard on me. So I’ve been coming to my blog with all my feelings and emotions. I’ve just been pouring into my blog all my issues. It’s been like my punching bag. I have issues and problems, and I bring them here to vent them out since I can’t use the avenues I used to use to vent. I may post a lot of deep and depressing stuff sometimes, but it’s to help me. It’s helping me deal with stuff and get it off my chest that I would otherwise bottle up and not share with anyone. But just because this is my punching bag, doesn’t mean that I’m punching the bag the whole time. I have a life. I do other things. I go to work, church, school, etc. I’m not always feeling like the way I express in my blog. Most of the time, I’m alright. I do have my moments where it’s like: “Oh my goodness, what just happened.” But that’s why I have my blog. So that when I have those moments I can come here and vent. But I have the same realization that NF had about his music. My blog and his music don’t fix our problems. It may help us through them, but it’s not solving the issue. I am working on healing and dealing with all the different issues I have at the moment, but it takes time and a lot of patience. I just wanted to let ya’ll know I’m not this depressing all the time. I am getting better. It’s just a process.
NF’s latest playlist comes out on Friday, and I’m ecstatic. I’ve been looking forward to it for so long. I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things. I’ve got several ideas I want to try — ideas for my blog, my appearance, my life in general, etc. I’ve been thinking about my relationship with God and things I could to strengthen it. I’ve been thinking about my friendships and relationships. Where is my energy being invested?
I’ll be honest something I’m dealing with right now is I’ve got this empty feeling like I don’t know what to do. I kinda feel like I’m not going anywhere or that I have any end term goal. I feel like I’m not doing enough, which is weird because I already have too much on my plate as it is. Like I want to be passionate about something that I can put my energy into because right now, I lack my usual passion. I’m usually the type of person who usually has something their passionate about at the moment, and when I’m able to put time into that, then I feel better both about myself and my mood. But ever since the “incident” I’ve lost that passion. I’ve kind of been looking around trying to find something to sink my teeth into, but nothing has been calling my name. So I’ve been doing more trying to compensate, but it’s not the same. So I wish I’d find something. That’s one thing I’ve been working on, just trying to find something to invest in. Another thing I’ve been trying to work on is my self-worth. To say that it needs help is an understatement, so I’ve been trying to do things to help myself out. I’m trying to learn to love myself, which is hard when you’ve never done it before. I’m just kind in an area of my life where I’m doing a bunch of self-evaluations. I’m trying to find areas that are weak and strengthen them or overhaul them if they need it. I’ve been working on healing, upgrading, and learning about myself. It’s been a mess so far, but maybe one day I’ll get it cleaned up. We’ll see.
This life update probably wasn’t as exciting as the others, but I felt like it was a necessary one at least. So I hope ya’ll get something from it. If you did leave a like!! Till next time. Peace and God Bless!!!
~~~ INFJ Mickey