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It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these kinds of posts. But as request from last weeks poll I decided to do another one. This one is a bit different. I recently have just gotten into rap. I say rap, but it really is just this one artist. I love his songs and lyrics. NF really just hits me in a way no other artist has. So I decided to share one of his songs with ya’ll. So I hope ya’ll enjoy it as much as I do! If you like this kind of stuff leave a like so I know to do more things like it.

Change

NF, July 26th 2019

LYRICS

Yeah, look
I don’t do drugs, I’m addicted to the pain though
Yeah, I been on it for a while, don’t know how to put it down
Gotta have it, it’s a habit I’ma break though
I just wanna take it a hit, keep sayin’ I’ma quit
Keep sayin’ I’m a leave but I stay though
I just want a little fix, I don’t wanna take a risk
I don’t like it when I drift from the safe zone
But lately I been thinkin’ I might have to
Lettin’ go of things that I’m attached to
World don’t stop just because I’m in a bad mood
You don’t know what love is
Till you holdin’ onto something that you can’t lose
That’s why I’m tryna get it together
Sleeves up, puttin’ working in, tryna be better
I like to rap but I ain’t gonna do it forever
Forget the charts, I’m refocusing on holding my head up
Moment I get up, I just wanna know I’m doin’ my best
And if I’m not, Lord forgive me, you can have the regrets
‘Cause I can feel the water tryna go up over my head
Most of my life I always felt like I was holding my breath
Holdin’ my chest, to be honest, so I’m tired of it
Lookin’ for something in my life to be inspired again
I like to walk around and act like I don’t know what it is
But I know what it is, I just never wanna commit, running from

I’m looking for (Change)
I’m searching for (Change)
I’m looking for (Change)
I just want, I just want (Change)

Yeah, I don’t like new things
Got a lot of mood swings
Oh you wanna tell me something negative?
I don’t wanna here what you think
Yeah, tossin’ in my sleep
Every night feel like two weeks
Thinkin’ ’bout how I coulda done this or done that better
Can’t help it that’s just me (Lies)
That’s just me avoidin’ the change
Yeah, it’s prolly why the issues ain’t goin’ away
Yeah, it’s prolly why I always sit around and complain
Tellin’ myself that I ain’t never gettin’ out of this place
Outta my face, if you tellin’ I need to be different
That’s the issue though, I’m always insecurity driven
Takin’ the wrong turns, actin’ like I know where I’m headed
Waitin’ for somethin’ bad to happen
I could snap any minute, I need (Change)
Yeah it’s kinda easy to say right?
But difficult to do when I feel like I hate life
And everyone aroudn me kinda thinks I’m a great guy
But I don’t ever think it, so I think I’m a fake, lyin’
(Change) It’s something that I know I should do
I’m a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth
But to be honest with you lately I got nothin’ to lose
See, I’ve always been full of pain but now I’m makin’ some room
Lookin’ for

I’m looking for (Change)
I’m searching for (Change)
I’m looking for (Change)
I just want, I just want

I need a moment of silence
I don’t like change but I’ll try it
I don’t want to hear what I should or I shouldn’t do
Why are they always defiant?
See, all my emotions are liars
All my emotions are violent
They don’t want freedom to find me
Mention that name and everybody riots
That’s why I’m checkin’ my vitals
They keep on workin’ but I know
Breathin’ don’t mean you’re alive, so
I bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope
Positive thoughts are my rivals
I’m tryna be on their side though
Should I feel comfortable? I don’t
Last year I felt suicidal
This year I might do something different like talking to God

I’m looking for (Change)
I’m looking for
I’m searching for (Change)
I’m looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)
I’m looking for
I’m searching for (Change)
I’m looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)
I’m looking for
I’m searching for (Change)
I’m looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)
I’m looking for
I’m searching for (Change)
I’m looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)

MY FEELINGS

Man, I already know this is going to be a long one. I’ve not dissected one of NF’s songs yet, but his songs have so much to them. There are so many thoughts and emotions in his lyrics. NF’s songs hit me in a way I’ve never felt before. I feel like I can relate to him in a way I’ve never felt before. It’s truly incredible. His songs have helped me a lot recently. So let’s dive into it.

I don't do drugs, I'm addicted to the pain though
Yeah, I been on it for a while, don't know how to put it down
Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though

So this I can relate to more than I’d like to admit. I love how NF started it out. He’s like yeah I’m not addicted to drugs, but I am addicted to something: pain. I feel like I am that way sometimes, and I get what NF is trying to say here. Being addicted to pain isn’t any better than being addicted to drugs. I hate it, but sometimes I can be addicted to the pain. Sometimes when I’m alone left alone in my mind, I reflect on different things that cause me pain, but the pain is addicting. I can’t let go of it. It’s almost like I want to feel the pain. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s like I want to feel the pain instead of letting it go. Letting it go would somehow be worse. That might not have made any sense, but it makes sense to me. The next line he says he’s been on it for a while and he doesn’t know how to put it down. Same here. I’ve had pain for a while: various kinds, and a lot of them I don’t know how to put them down. I’ve tried everything I can think of, but they remain. And then the third line he says it’s something he has to have, but he’s going to break the habit. I’m the same way. Even though it feels like I’m addicted to the pain, sometimes, I am trying to break the habit. I’m trying to break this repeating pain. It’s almost like I’m having to create a new habit of breaking the habit.

I just wanna take a hit, keep sayin' I'ma quit
Keep saying I'm a leave but I stay though
I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone
But lately I been thinkin' I might have to

I want to explain the first line, but it’s too complicated, and I can’t express what I feel so I can’t explain it, sorry. The second-line though hits home. I’ve mentioned to several of my friends that I might be leaving because of this whole situation I’ve been dealing with. But no matter how many times I’ve thought about it or said it…I’m still here. I haven’t left; I’ve stayed. The third line I relate to so much. I HATE drifting from the safe zone. My zone where I’m comfortable. Space where I can be me without worrying or having things messing up. When things go wrong, or I have to change, it gives me a massive amount of anxiety and stress. Whenever I have to do something that makes me uncomfortable or breaks my system, then I get hit with a tremendous amount of anxiety. Like it’s crazy. This line raps up this thought. (Pun intended) With everything that’s been going on I’ve realized I’m going to have to get out of my comfort zone. I’m going to have to start accepting change and deal with the things that bring me anxiety and stress. I can’t live in my safe zone. Sometimes I have to drift out of it no matter how much it hurts.

Lettin' go of things that I'm attached to
World don't stop just because I'm in a bad mood
You don't know what love is
Till you holdin' onto something that you can't lose

So the first two lines I kinda have to use together. So I’ve sorta been letting go of something I’m attached to. Not really by choice, more because literally, everyone is kinda forcing me to. And tbh it’s kinda put me in a bad mood… But I love is this next line because it’s exactly how I feel. The world and time don’t stop just because I’m in a bad mood. So I’m just moving forward wherever forward is. Directions are kind fuzzy for me right now. I love the last two lines. Because what’s the one thing you can’t lose? It’s God! You can’t lose God. You might run from Him, but God doesn’t run from you. So if you want to know what true love is, you have to find God.

That's why I'm tryna get it together
Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better
I like to rap but I ain't gonna do it forever

Now I don’t know if this is what NF is trying to say here, but this is what I got out of it. Because I want to hold on to God, I’m trying to get my life together. I’m trying to get my feet moving down the right path, so I pull my sleeves up and get to work because this is not an easy road. Searching for God and walking with Him isn’t easy. Having a relationship with Him takes work. Being a Christian is not an easy life. It takes practice, and I’m trying to be better. I’m trying to work on me and be the best me as I can, which is why I’m working so hard. I want to be better and have a stronger relationship with God. NF loves rap, but he realizes he’s not going to do it forever, which is why he’s working on his relationship with God. He knows at the end of it he’s not going to have rap, but he will have God. Same here, no matter what I love most about this life I’m not going to have it in the end. I’m only going to have God. So I need to be focused on Him.

Forget the charts, I'm refocusing on holding my head up
Moment I get up, I just wanna know I'm doing my best
And if I'm not, Lord forgive me, you can have the regrets.

Right now, I’m just focusing on holding my head up. I’m trying to stay positive and not let negative get to me and drag my head down. I’m trying to stand tall and not let my worries, pain, and stress weigh me down. From the moment I get up every morning I want to know I’m doing the best I can. I don’t want to be lazy and see that I could be doing more. I want to be used by God the most He can. And if I don’t give it my best, then I pray God forgives me. Because I know I definitely will regret it. I hate not giving something my best.

'Cause I can feel the water tryna go up over my head
Most of my life I always felt like I was holding my breath
Holdin' my chest, to be honest, so I'm tired of it

For the past several months, I have felt like the water has been trying to rise above my head. I might not have it hard, but this has been the hardest part of my life. I’ve been hit with a bunch of crazy stuff the past several months, and all the stress has made me feel like I’ve been drowning. But to be honest most of my life, I have felt like I’ve been holding my breath. It may sound stupid, but waiting to fall in love and get married has made me feel like I’m holding my breath. I’ve been holding it for so long it’s starting to make me feel weak and pain is beginning to rise. It may be or sound stupid, but it’s not a joke to me. It feels like I’m holding my breath just trying to make it so that I can finally let go and breathe one day. And I’ll be honest I’m holding my chest trying so hard to be patient and not let this pain conquer me, but I’m very tired of it. I am seeing all my friends getting married living my dream. Having kids, having an awesome wedding, dating, etc. It hurts seeing everyone having the one thing I want. But I’m still here holding my breath.

Lookin' for something in my life to be inspired again
I like to walk around and act like I don't know what it is
But I know what it is, I just never wanna commit, running from

Lately, I’ve been looking for something to inspire me again. To get me passionate again. Something to make me happy again. I have been pretending like I don’t know what I that something is, but I do. Nate and I both know. We need to be passionate and inspired by God. It’s hard to stay committed, and sometimes I don’t want to deal with the change. I like being who I am, and I don’t always want to change, but sometimes I have to.

I’m sorry ya’ll, but this song is too long for me to do in one session. If ya’ll want me to do, the rest of the song leave a like! This was only the first verse… Thanks so much for all the support! Leave a comment if you were able to relate to NF’s song as well! I’d also love to hear if his lyrics meant something else to you than it did for me! Thanks again, everyone! Till next time. Peace and God Bless!

~~~ INFJ Mickey

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