Why do they say they want to know what’s in my mind,
Then get upset with what they find?
Do they really want to know what I’m thinking?
Or do they just want to know when I have a happy feeling?
Turn off the notifications,
Delete the ugly apps,
Try writing new raps.
Go back to my old radio stations.
Those long conversations I dread,
When my blog they have read.
Asking me why I’m so negative?
Like what’s my motive?
You know your words having meaning?
Are you listening to what you’re saying?
Everyone showing concern,
Because my words they can’t discern.
Surprised by my emotion.
And my insane passion.
Wondering why I’m all of a sudden into fashion?
Ya’ll only on the door step of my mansion.
Everyone just wants to help.
Thinking that pointing out where I’m struggling,
Or the things that need fixing,
Will somehow resolve everything.
Am I even trying? Yep.
I don’t want another conversation,
I’m trying to ignore the attention.
Just trying to vent my frustration.
But instead I’ve created and attraction.
To think I’ve only shared a fraction,
Of my thoughts reaction.
But even that small portion,
Has caused a huge distortion.
Now I have to give an explanation.
My therapy once helpful,
Has now become stressful.
I’m tired and overwhelmed,
I’m always exhausted.
Tried to share what I was thinking,
Now I’m left trying
To fix these situations,
But I’m tired of going through the motions.
I’ve run out of tissues,
Because of these stupid issues.
I’m not going to buy any more,
I’m staying away from the store.
That’s trying to sell me more reasons,
To stay in these depressing seasons.
I’ve come to realize my mind is a dangerous place.
That apparently only I can face.
And I’ve tried my best,
But I seriously need some rest.
I can’t keep sharing,
Turn around explaining,
Running around fixing,
Because at the end of it all,
I’m left alone gasping.
Trying not to fall.
So thanks to everyone who has tried.
But my brain is fried.
My heart is no longer an open case.
I’m putting everything back in it’s place.
All my mistakes I can see.
And I need to fix them in my space.
I’m not perfect and I’m not trying to be,
But please try and see.
I need to work on me.
I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you,
Ya’ll know I never tried to.
If you really understand,
You’ll know it was never part of my plan.
I’ve tried my best to make it all right.
I put everything into this fight.
I’ve stayed up past midnight,
Trying to mend hearts,
And correct my faults.
But now all I can say is I’m sorry.
I never intended this to be in my story.
Before I go I need to explain.
I don’t want to have to do it later.
Please don’t be a hater.
If you ask me how I’m doing,
I’ll tell you without lying.
But my struggles I’m keeping to myself,
They’re going to stay on their shelf.
I’m done sharing,
Because I need healing.
And I can’t do that with ya’ll on my back,
So I’m zipping up my backpack,
And I’m moving on,
Skipping to the next song.
You’ll no longer see a depressing post,
So go ahead and raise a toast.
Now ya’ll get the happy me,
Or at least that’s what you’ll see.
I’m still gonna be open,
But maybe not they way you were hopin’
Let’s all just get back on the happy train.
I still have one more post like this.
After that we can dismiss.
I promise to those I’m close to I’m not wearing a mask.
But I do have one last question I’ve been trying to ask…
Who Am I?
~~~ INFJ Mickey